The thing that most makes me furious around how Hedgehog is being treated and taken care of is how he is being disempowered by the best efforts of the workplace to try and fix him.
Hedgehog is entitled to better support less PANIC, and more effort to understand. Can’t he decide whether to work or not?
Let him decide his own course of treatment and action – trust him to make good choices…
I know how fear can drive reactions when someone confides an inner distress. Hero once told me he had lived enough. After Mottsu, the statement brought me to my knees, my legs just melted with the fear of loss… I panicked. I’m ashamed to say that my reaction that should have been about him was all about me.
I wasn’t very supportive with my overriding desire to help.
Downright unhelpful.
I like to think I would react differently now, and do what I should have done then, extend my hand – now that’s a gesture of support.
I rallied against a recent report that most people feel uncomfortable around people suffering depression. I also wrote about how to offer help to a troubled colleague. This week, in a workplace, I witnessed a situation that confirmed the first and showed why the second is good in theory but not how it may play out in reality.
In the workplace there is a busy hedgehog who is in a fog, hedgehog knows he is suffering anxiety and being in the fog he is not sure how to alleviate it. He has mentioned his stress and his struggle to contain it, to a number of people in the firm.
Some of his colleagues have panicked – and I mean PANICKED. Hedgehog is being pathologised (pathologise: transitive verb view as psychologically abnormal). There has been a slightly hysterical response to his admission of depression. He has been ordered home, banished from work, so much for his wishes should he wish to maintain any sense of normalcy. Hedgehog is being treated like an ailing child and pushed to do what others deem best for him. He’s now an invalid not an equal, no hand of support has been extended.
In this somewhat dysfunctional workplace hedgehog has become the identified patient. He is proof of how well others are coping, hedgehog is unwell and others are just ducky – thanks very much.
Take care, take care, use caution depressed and anxious employees as the people in your workplace may not be as ready for you as I would wish them to be.
Offering help to a troubled colleague can be tricky territory. I hope that won’t hold you back from enquiring about the well-being of a colleague and being ready to extend your support.
The link above points to a recent article from the NY Times that provides some simple and practical advice. A couple of of points that resonated with me:
– you should explain that you’re offering support, rather than judging or blaming
– keep in mind that you’re speaking as a concerned colleague not a therapist
Some will not want to talk about it (whatever ‘it’ is), still you can extend a friendly hand, lend an ear, or suggest other avenues of support.
I know you don’t know what to say.
No-one knows what to say.
Try something, say something, pick-up any feedback and adjust approach…
* Post title taken from the lyrics of He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother
The thing that most makes me furious around how Hedgehog is being treated and taken care of is how he is being disempowered by the best efforts of the workplace to try and fix him.
