To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, that’s one of Newton’s laws of motion.

This post is required by Newtons law to balance the view expressed in my previous post. Back in May 2009 Andrew Stafford wrote of his own contemplation of suicide “…to level accusations of selfishness and cowardice against those who succeed in taking their own lives, however understandable, is simply not helpful to anyone.”

He explains with heart:

This is impossible to understand from a rationalist viewpoint. Attempts at self-harm and/or suicide are, by their nature, not rational.

When you are mentally unwell to the point you want to die, you are — quite literally — not in your right mind.

This is, in my view, the single most vital insight necessary for those dealing with depression — not only those struggling with it, but those around them.
I have battled depression on and off throughout my life. Interestingly, the most serious episodes come in an almost clockwork-like seven-year cycle (apparently, I’m told, due to hormonal changes in the brain as we age, which affect different people in different ways).

While at times the illness has been dangerously debilitating, since that act of serious self-harm I’ve learnt to recognise it for what it is.

Accordingly, I’ve developed medical and psychological strategies to deal with it when it arises. I treat it like I would treat any other illness: I go to the doctor, get a prescription, get a referral to a specialist, talk through the relevant issues and, most importantly, follow advice until I’m well again.

This can take up to six months or even a year. In the meantime, I do my best to remain personally and professionally functional.

But depression is an insidious bastard — insidious because you don’t realise what you’re dealing with until it’s got you in its grip.

Although the trigger can be pulled overnight — be it a death, a relationship breakdown, a family or career crisis — its onset is subtle.

And once you’re “down there”, getting back up is invariably a steep climb.
It’s also heartbreaking for those around you, who find themselves in a uniquely disempowered position.

Andrew Stafford. (May 13 2009). A death wish isn’t selfishness – it’s an illness. In The Age On-line. Retrieved May 30 2011, from http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/a-death-wish-isnt-selfishness–its-an-illness-20090512-b1xt.html#ixzz1OBphReNt

You can try to rationalise the actions of someone with a mental health condition or you try to empathise. It’s a difficult discussion, and necessary if we are to reduce stigma and engender understanding. I am talking about topics, that in my experience, we don’t talk about. Judgement is too readily made though, without discussion or perhaps instead of discussion and attempts at understanding.

With sadness, I note that both articles point out the real and heavy toll of suicide on those close to someone who chooses suicide.

Crisis counselling is available around the world. In Australia Life Line 13 11 14.

There are calls to talk more openly about depression and suicide. There are many reasons to support those calls. Importantly, more openness would mitigate the social isolation that suffers bear, the loneliness of the condition. If there was more understanding of depression and how it feels, if we could see how many are afflicted and affected, some of the stigma and shame would be lifted.

There is too little appreciation of how depression can be experienced.

The Australian newspaper published an article about reader responses to the story run at the end of February headed “It’s Time to Talk”. This second article is a call to speak more openly and publicly about the mostly hidden experiences with suicide and for greater appreciation of its devastating impacts. Much of what is reported is familiar to me, and I am surprised at how similar some of the experiences of others in the aftermath of a suicide, are to my own. I believe we don’t know enough about suicide.

The discussion is stifled by attitudes and publishing laws. The social costs are hidden along with the stories and largely unknown, and those costs that are estimated almost certainly undervalue the impacts of each death. The damage done.

When you lose someone to suicide it hurts. The experience is all the more painful for the general lack of understanding, so little is shared about our experiences with depression and what is is like to have someone close die by suicide. Breaking the silence as many, including me advocate to us to be better informed, more aware of the risks and better able to help and support.

Crisis counselling is available around the world. In Australia Life Line 13 11 14.