Having started my version of the 5 Stages of Grieving, I need to complete them, so onwards…

The fourth stage of grief as Dr Kubler-Ross describes it:
Depression: “Yes, me.”

In this stage,she describes how a person becomes numb on the surface while anger and sadness churn underneath. The depression is due to the realisation that what has occurred is beyond your control. This is the time when one admits what has happened and is mindful of her grief.

My version of the fourth stage of grief:
Depression: “Not me”

I don’t feel depressed and if I am I somehow manage to fool onlookers about how I am coping, receiving accolades for my competence, capability and for appearing well. I’m complimented for being strong and people notice that I sometimes laugh again. At the same time I have managed to get so out of touch with my feelings so that I can barely respond to a simple ‘How are you?’ greeting. I spend a lot of time wondering how I really am…

Some did inquire if I felt depressed, but I’ve banished depression as a possibility. I compared symptoms of depression with how I felt and there was little correlation. I sleep well, take vitamins and bounce around determined not to be depressed. Mottsu was depressed, not me. I feel multi-polar in comparison, I’m Tigger to his Eeyore.

My determination not to be depressed could itself have been a mild chronic depression.