Utterly baffling

By admin on February 1, 2012

Back to the death of Gary Speed as the outcome of the Coroners Inquest has been reported in the news.

The coroner could not say if his death was intentional or accidental. While intent was discussed it was not possible to determine from the circumstances. The conclusion of one journalist is that this is “…utterly baffling”.

Suicide, for the most part, is utterly baffling, that’s a conclusion readily reached by grieving family, friends, and colleagues. Those left behind will remember a person with much to live for. The loss is very painful and near impossible to reconcile with without empathy for a suicidal mind. It also known that an individual’s suicidal intent can dissipate, the act may be contemplated but not completed. That after all is the premise underscoring suicide prevention efforts, even in the last minutes an intervention is possible, or a change of heart. So what happened here?

Gary Speed sat on the steps of his garage with a ligature of cable around his neck,and tied to the banister perhaps contemplating or threatening suicide. I know less than the coroner but can guess and trying to say if this were an act of intentional self-determination or an accident is not possible.

The coroner stated that it was possible that Gary Speed nodded off and slipped causing his death. To say in retrospect, if his actions were those of contemplation or an ultimatum is not possible. Troubling and utterly baffling…

Suicide is defies an simple explanation and is typically regarded as without moral justification. It is surrounded by questions without definitive answers, religious, philosophical and psychological questions and it remains confronting and utterly baffling…

If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

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Vale Diana Bliss

By admin on January 30, 2012

News started emerging on the weekend that Diana Bliss had died by suicide.

Ms Bliss, despite her own many accomplishments, was best known as the wife of Alan Bond, the man who backed the America’s Cup challenge in 1983 that saw the trophy in the hands of someone other than the New York Club for the first time.

Unsurprisingly her family and friends are reported as distressed and devastated. They knew she was deeply troubled and that she was seeking support and care for her depression.

Reports didn’t mention suicide but they alluded to it with the standard statement: “Police said there were no suspicious circumstances.” A euphemism which does not protect anybody’s sensibilities. What is being reported is widely understood for what it is.

Suicide should be reported with simplicity, sensitivity, and clarity. Doing otherwise does not diminish the stigma surrounding deep depression and its possible consequences but rather, reinforces the opinion that this is a, perhaps, offensive and taboo topic. Shhh…

Recent Press Council recommendations reinforced that responsibility and balance are appropriate. Tragic circumstances should not inhibit straightforward reporting.

If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

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Thinking, tweeting, blogging

By admin on January 20, 2012

John Birmingham’s blog entry about about the incidence of suicide among soldiers and veterans is worth reading.

There is something about a soldiers experience that diminishes the will to live, something that’s unlikely to be physiological, something that’s taking a toll. Then there’s something fabulous about John Birmingham’s response to learning about extraordinary suicide rate among veterans, and the considered (thinky) sharing of his thoughts…

I don’t know which stats he read but I wrote about some figures a year ago, the suicide rate of veterans was estimated as between two and four times higher than the same population of civilians. I saw John Birmingham’s tweet and read his blog and reweeted his original statement, glad that the issue was receiving some mainstream attention.

Now I am writing a blog entry about his blog entry, I don’t know another way, maybe my blog should share a coffee with his blog… I do think a lot about how to lift the darkness around suicide and make the risks more visible. Silence keeps things invisible.

I wonder if the story of this american soldier, originally cited in John Birmingham’s blog might have played out differently if the silence were broken. I can only hope so…

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English football player talks of depression

By admin on January 16, 2012

Dean Windass is a retired English footballer, a striker. Last weekend he spoke publicly about his depression and recent suicide attempts.

In the newspaper article he says “People have this image of me as this big strong man who can take anything life throws at him. But I’m not ashamed to say I wanted to end it after a string of setbacks. I knew I’d been a fool but I couldn’t shake off the depression at feeling what a failure I’d become.”

He said “I have hurt the people closest to me, so I’ve come out today and admitted I need help.” The honesty of a man with what was regarded as a tough as nails demeanor is emotionally affecting. I know how difficult it can be to reach out for help and I’m filled with admiration for what Dean Windass describes as his coming out. I can see why he has been described as a sturdy leader.

We often regard sports stars as role models, in this case that’s undoubtedly true. Dean Windass is a stigma-busting role model. It is so fabulous to witness the strength of a footballer admitting to a simple human frailty, a debilitating condition, and asking for help.

Dean Windass, my hero.

If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

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Vale Sheniz Erkan

By admin on January 12, 2012

“Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me” I remember chanting that line in a sing-song retort to the neighbourhood bully and his taunting offsider. If only it were true…

The death by suicide of a 14 year old Melbourne schoolgirl Sheniz Erkan is a morbid reminder of the fatal power of bullies and their words. It was reported that ruthless and relentless on-line harassment had become too much for her to bear.

The words of a bully almost inevitably give rise to thoughts and feelings that create an inner turmoil in the bullied. It’s not always possible to maintain sufficient self esteem to ward off hurt. Sadly, we are often more open to hearing what is wrong us rather than what is right.

We can be our harshest judges with our insecurities fed by external evaluation. It is often easier to identify with faults rather than ones strengths, and that gives rise to an identity which does not reflect the whole person. A person can slip into the role of victim, defenses compromised and diminished, hearts vulnerable.

Research is finding support for the premise that the more frequent the bullying behavior,either as a perpetrator or the subject of bullying efforts, the greater the risk of depression, suicidal ideation, or suicide attempt. Those who are bullied consistently experience more depressive symptoms than those who are not bullied; they have high levels of suicidal ideation and are more likely to attempt suicide than adolescents who are not bullied.

The relationship between motives and wounds of the perpetrator and the subject of bullying is complex. There is another role, that is largely unexplored in the media, that of the bystander those who observe, read, witness or are aware of the bullying. Bystanders condone, if not explicitly encourage the transgressions of a bully. I don’t know why but too many of us are bystanders in schools and organisations, places where bullying can be endemic but unchallenged. We need to do better…

If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

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Campaign Against Living Miserably – CALM

By admin on January 4, 2012

An article in the UK Guardian today describes the silence around suicide as deathly.

The organisation described in the story is Campaign Against Living Miserably – CALM – a suicide prevention charity. They ran a “poll [in November 2010] and it showed that nine out of 10 people haven’t a clue that suicide is the biggest killer of young men. [The unawareness is] deeply shocking. Awareness is even worse among young men themselves…”

I struggle with suicide prevention efforts in general, but my thoughts are jumbled and I can’t exactly explain what irritates me about suicide preventionists, but something troubles me about prevention being a focus for intervention. I am not sure someone can be saved by someone other than themselves. I am not convinced that we be saved from ourselves?

Awareness – yes – of course greater awareness around depression and suicide is needed, I didn’t know the condition and I underestimated the risks…

My own knowledge may or might not have made a difference but awareness by me, people I know and everyone generally would have helped. Specifically I think that would mean having less stigma associated with depression and emotional well being, and being able to confide or even broadcast how you are feeling with impunity, without risk or favour. It is hard to imagine a work environment where Mottsu may have been able to admit to his deep depression, find acceptance, and not have suffered from some form of ongoing stigma. He didn’t even feel able to take time off work, he didn’t perceive sufficient tolerance to allow him to be open about his well-being back when he could have used understanding, and maybe not today but I hope the future will be different.

Awareness and prevention sound like very different efforts to me, the intent behind each seems quite different. To me awareness could be more achievable than prevention per se, although inevitably one would lead to the other. Wouldn’t it?

CALM is here and their helpline within London is 0808 802 5858. If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

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Vale Joe Bodolai

By admin on December 29, 2011

This is a link to Joe Bodolai, a comedy writer’s, last blog entry before he died by suicide. I hope the site is taken down in time and I guess he left it to be read…

Included in the posting is a list of things he regrets, including “That I am no longer able to withstand any more of life’s pain.”

On Dec. 23, he posted on Twitter: “If you for some reason care about me. Stop caring.”
And on Dec. 24: “Godbye” – unfortunately that last tweet has been mis-reported in various news sources as Goodbye and that’s not what he said.

If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

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Simon says…

By admin on December 14, 2011

Simon Hogan, in his typically Australian laconic style, describes himself as a 23 year old footy player. Footy is Australian Rules football, a game with an estimated 9 million followers. Simon plays for the Geelong Football club, the team Mottsu followed and the current competition premiers.

Simon Hogan is an elite athlete and professional sportsman, and he has had major depression over the past three years. His depression led to considering suicide, and to seeking support. Listening to him, I am considering taking more of an interest in footy.

He speaks frankly about his experience, here’s his story in print and below on video.

Fittingly he is now an ambassador for headspace, Australia’s National Youth Mental Health Foundation. Impressive.

If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

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Saying something stupid

By admin on November 30, 2011

Joey Barton is an English footballer affected by the death of Gary Speed. Then he went and spoiled it all by saying something stupid like:

If not stupid Joey Barton’s view is uninformed and ill-considered. Before anyone concludes that suicide might be a selfish act I need to say; it is simply not possible to rationalise a death by suicide with an everyday logical mind. Suicide is far removed from normal experience and we struggle to comprehend the act. It is too easy, it seems, for the way someone dies to change your memory of how they lived. The accusation of selfishness highlights the lack of understanding and the related depth of stigma surrounding suicide. I feel compelled to continue to rally against the apparently widely held view that suicide is selfish. I have explored that perspective and argued against the selfish view again and again, in other posts.

I am repeating a short excerpt from May this year as evidence I hope will convince any cynic. Scientific American described suicide as “an attempt to escape from oneself”. The suicidal mind is described as “unbearable”, burdened with a “crushing intolerable weight”. The same article says “Feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt, inadequacy, or feeling exposed, humiliated and rejected leads suicidal people to dislike themselves in a manner that, essentially, cleaves them off from an idealized humanity. The self is seen as being enduringly undesirable; there is no hope for change and the core self is perceived as being rotten.”

Here in Australia it was recently reported that “Beyondblue has had success in raising awareness about depression and anxiety, but it has largely fulfilled that purpose.” Beyondblue was setup in 2000, as a not for profit organisation established to to erode the shame surrounding depression and anxiety. It is premature to suggest Beyondblue, or any similar initiative, has fulfilled its purpose while suicide is widely regarded as the most selfish act a person can enact. There are more stories to tell, more work to do, more tweets to twitter, and more compassion to bring…

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Vale Gary Speed

By admin on November 28, 2011

The football fraternity is united in grief after the news of the death by suicide of Gary Speed. He was a Welsh football player, captain of the Wales national football team, and a football manager. I would call his game soccer but for him and his compatriots, he played football.

Gary Speed was an accomplished sportsman with a fabulous playing career and he was awarded a Member of the Order of the British Empire (MBE) last year. Reports echo shock and upset.

The BBC report records “no suspicious circumstances“. The Age tells that he “committed suicide”. I’ve written about our terminology before and I am still affronted by the term committed suicide. It is simpler, less judgemental to say died by suicide and it’s less stigmatising to say died by suicide. To commit is to perpetrate a transgression or offence, and suicide is something different again. Suicide may be an act that defies understanding and I find it helpful and less judgmental to simply describe suicide without euphemisms or implied accusations of wrongdoing.

Today is a sad day for football, for the fans, friends, and family of Gary Speed.

If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

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