What Marian tried

By admin on May 2, 2012

I want to revisit the blog of Marian Keyes, the author. I thought Marian was fabulous when she wrote in 2010 about her crippling depression, and I wrote about her and what she wrote. Her blog tells her story with an openness not often encountered when people talk of depression and suicidal thoughts. After two years since first writing of her depression and her inability to continue to write, Marian is once again posting monthly newsletters, like she used to. Her site can be found here, look under newsletters.
In one posting, as she felt she was starting to resemble herself again, Marian listed some of the things she tried. Here it is:

Acupuncture
Anti-depressants (Now on my 5th different type.)
Baking
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
Cranio-Sacral therapy
Crying until I burst blood vessels in my eye
Doing a daily act of kindness (thinking of the needs of others was meant to stop me thinking about myself, sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t.)
Driving people places in a pink car (I so wanted to be useful and helpful but could offer so little.)
Fish Oils
Giving blood
Grazia (the only thing I could read, a lifeline.)
Hill-walking in Wicklow with close friends (Kate brings the sandwiches, I bring the cake, Hilly brings the little bags of snacks, Himself plans the route, Malcolm takes the photos and Mark provides scintillating conversation about recently-released movies.)
Homeopathy
Knitting (thought I’d knit bootees for Rita-Anne’s new baby but was in way over my head with circular needles and other complications, so in the end knitted several pointless little scarfs for non-existent kittens.)
Mindfulness and meditation (couldn’t hack it, couldn’t stay in my own head.)
Praying (I’ve even started going to the monthly Padre Pio mass in Monkstown with my mother and my sis-in-law Susie D. I’ve always described myself as a COL-lapsed Catholic and look at me now, it just shows what desperation does to people. My handbag is now full of miraculous medals, Padre Pio relics, green scapulars, mass cards and small bottles of holy water. Also crystals, little angels, affirmations, Buddhist prayers, shiny little stones and countless other pieces of new-agey stuff.)
Psychotherapy. (An utter godsend, I have a really great therapist who I trust completely.)
Reiki
Tom Dunne on Newstalk (Did anyone hear him talking about the Eurovision? Oh my God, so funny.)
Vitamins B, C and D
Yoga (again couldn’t hack it, couldn’t stay with my own poisoned thoughts.)

That’s a list from someone who said that every day for six solid months she had to try really hard to stay alive. She doesn’t credit any one thing as helping and who could say what helps in the end? I like this list because it is from one woman’s experience, one woman who has generously shared her experience.

Again I wish Marian well and warm.

Posted in , Tagged Leave a Comment

Help Police 2

By admin on February 29, 2012

I read on the weekend that ” More than one in four cases where police use force involves someone suffering a psychological issue.” That’s in my city. The statistic is alarming -and I don’t believe the story is better in many other big cities in the world.

Thankfully the same article talks about changes in police training, “Under the new training police are being instructed to identify signs of depression and paranoia and are being taught to develop a rapport with people suffering mental issues.”

It is no surprise to me that police “…have found that the traditional authoritarian approach can escalate issues resulting in a disproportionate reliance on force to deal with irrational offenders.”

Another story by the same journalist and published the same day states that “Police are trained to take control in potentially violent situations. There is an escalating scale of responses, beginning with an assertive approach followed by aggressive commands. If the situation deteriorates, then police may use threats (”Back off now or you’ll be in the back of the van”) and, if all else fails, they can use force. But these ”we’re the boss” tactics can go horribly wrong if the subject is not rational. As police ramp up their response, the confused person on the other side sees only a threat. Too often the endplay can be fatal.”

I am glad John Silvester, a respected journalist, has covered the issue, pointing out that people with mental health issues are over represented as the targets of crime and as crime offenders.

There has to be a better way.

Imagine if police responded less to what people say and listen for the feeling in tense or confronting situations. They might hear angst or desperation and they might handle things differently.

*Help Police – the first post on this topic July last year

Posted in , Tagged Leave a Comment

Utterly baffling

By admin on February 1, 2012

Back to the death of Gary Speed as the outcome of the Coroners Inquest has been reported in the news.

The coroner could not say if his death was intentional or accidental. While intent was discussed it was not possible to determine from the circumstances. The conclusion of one journalist is that this is “…utterly baffling”.

Suicide, for the most part, is utterly baffling, that’s a conclusion readily reached by grieving family, friends, and colleagues. Those left behind will inevitably remember a person with much to live for. The loss is very painful and cannot be comprehended without empathy for a suicidal mind. It is also known that an individual’s suicidal intent can dissipate, the act may be contemplated but not completed. That is, after all, the premise underscoring suicide prevention efforts, even in the last minutes an intervention is possible, or a change of heart. What happened here?

Gary Speed sat on the steps of his garage with a ligature of cable around his neck, the other end tied to the banister. Perhaps he was contemplating suicide or threatening the same. I know less than the coroner and can only guess. Intentional self-determination or an accident?

The coroner stated that it was possible that Gary Speed nodded off and slipped causing his death. To say in retrospect, if his actions were those of contemplation or an ultimatum is not possible. Troubling and utterly baffling…

Suicide is defies an simple explanation and is typically regarded as without moral justification. It is surrounded by questions without definitive answers, religious, philosophical and psychological questions and it remains confronting and utterly baffling…

If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

Posted in , Tagged Leave a Comment

Vale Diana Bliss

By admin on January 30, 2012

News started emerging on the weekend that Diana Bliss had died by suicide.

Ms Bliss, despite her own many accomplishments, was best known as the wife of Alan Bond, the man who backed the America’s Cup challenge in 1983 that saw the trophy in the hands of someone other than the New York Club for the first time.

Unsurprisingly her family and friends are reported as distressed and devastated. They knew she was deeply troubled and that she was seeking support and care for her depression.

Reports didn’t mention suicide but they alluded to it with the standard statement: “Police said there were no suspicious circumstances.” A euphemism which does not protect anybody’s sensibilities. What is being reported is widely understood for what it is.

Suicide should be reported with simplicity, sensitivity, and clarity. Doing otherwise does not diminish the stigma surrounding deep depression and its possible consequences but rather, reinforces the opinion that this is a, perhaps, offensive and taboo topic. Shhh…

Recent Press Council recommendations reinforced that responsibility and balance are appropriate. Tragic circumstances should not inhibit straightforward reporting.

If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

Posted in , Tagged Leave a Comment

Thinking, tweeting, blogging

By admin on January 20, 2012

John Birmingham’s blog entry about about the incidence of suicide among soldiers and veterans is worth reading.

There is something about a soldiers experience that diminishes the will to live, something that’s unlikely to be physiological, something that’s taking a toll. Then there’s something fabulous about John Birmingham’s response to learning about extraordinary suicide rate among veterans, and the considered (thinky) sharing of his thoughts…

I don’t know which stats he read but I wrote about some figures a year ago, the suicide rate of veterans was estimated as between two and four times higher than the same population of civilians. I saw John Birmingham’s tweet and read his blog and reweeted his original statement, glad that the issue was receiving some mainstream attention.

Now I am writing a blog entry about his blog entry, I don’t know another way, maybe my blog should share a coffee with his blog… I do think a lot about how to lift the darkness around suicide and make the risks more visible. Silence keeps things invisible.

I wonder if the story of this american soldier, originally cited in John Birmingham’s blog might have played out differently if the silence were broken. I can only hope so…

Posted in , Tagged , Leave a Comment

English football player talks of depression

By admin on January 16, 2012

Dean Windass is a retired English footballer, a striker. Last weekend he spoke publicly about his depression and recent suicide attempts.

In the newspaper article he says “People have this image of me as this big strong man who can take anything life throws at him. But I’m not ashamed to say I wanted to end it after a string of setbacks. I knew I’d been a fool but I couldn’t shake off the depression at feeling what a failure I’d become.”

He said “I have hurt the people closest to me, so I’ve come out today and admitted I need help.” The honesty of a man with what was regarded as a tough as nails demeanor is emotionally affecting. I know how difficult it can be to reach out for help and I’m filled with admiration for what Dean Windass describes as his coming out. I can see why he has been described as a sturdy leader.

We often regard sports stars as role models, in this case that’s undoubtedly true. Dean Windass is a stigma-busting role model. It is so fabulous to witness the strength of a footballer admitting to a simple human frailty, a debilitating condition, and asking for help.

Dean Windass, my hero.

If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

Posted in Tagged , Leave a Comment

Vale Sheniz Erkan

By admin on January 12, 2012

“Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me” I remember chanting that line in a sing-song retort to the neighbourhood bully and his taunting offsider. If only it were true…

The death by suicide of a 14 year old Melbourne schoolgirl Sheniz Erkan is a morbid reminder of the fatal power of bullies and their words. It was reported that ruthless and relentless on-line harassment had become too much for her to bear.

The words of a bully almost inevitably give rise to thoughts and feelings that create an inner turmoil in the bullied. It’s not always possible to maintain sufficient self esteem to ward off hurt. Sadly, we are often more open to hearing what is wrong us rather than what is right.

We can be our harshest judges with our insecurities fed by external evaluation. It is often easier to identify with faults rather than ones strengths, and that gives rise to an identity which does not reflect the whole person. A person can slip into the role of victim, defenses compromised and diminished, hearts vulnerable.

Research is finding support for the premise that the more frequent the bullying behavior,either as a perpetrator or the subject of bullying efforts, the greater the risk of depression, suicidal ideation, or suicide attempt. Those who are bullied consistently experience more depressive symptoms than those who are not bullied; they have high levels of suicidal ideation and are more likely to attempt suicide than adolescents who are not bullied.

The relationship between motives and wounds of the perpetrator and the subject of bullying is complex. There is another role, that is largely unexplored in the media, that of the bystander those who observe, read, witness or are aware of the bullying. Bystanders condone, if not explicitly encourage the transgressions of a bully. I don’t know why but too many of us are bystanders in schools and organisations, places where bullying can be endemic but unchallenged. We need to do better…

If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

Posted in Tagged Leave a Comment

Campaign Against Living Miserably – CALM

By admin on January 4, 2012

An article in the UK Guardian today describes the silence around suicide as deathly.

The organisation described in the story is Campaign Against Living Miserably – CALM – a suicide prevention charity. They ran a “poll [in November 2010] and it showed that nine out of 10 people haven’t a clue that suicide is the biggest killer of young men. [The unawareness is] deeply shocking. Awareness is even worse among young men themselves…”

I struggle with suicide prevention efforts in general, but my thoughts are jumbled and I can’t exactly explain what irritates me about suicide preventionists, but something troubles me about prevention being a focus for intervention. I am not sure someone can be saved by someone other than themselves. I am not convinced that we be saved from ourselves?

Awareness – yes – of course greater awareness around depression and suicide is needed, I didn’t know the condition and I underestimated the risks…

My own knowledge may or might not have made a difference but awareness by me, people I know and everyone generally would have helped. Specifically I think that would mean having less stigma associated with depression and emotional well being, and being able to confide or even broadcast how you are feeling with impunity, without risk or favour. It is hard to imagine a work environment where Mottsu may have been able to admit to his deep depression, find acceptance, and not have suffered from some form of ongoing stigma. He didn’t even feel able to take time off work, he didn’t perceive sufficient tolerance to allow him to be open about his well-being back when he could have used understanding, and maybe not today but I hope the future will be different.

Awareness and prevention sound like very different efforts to me, the intent behind each seems quite different. To me awareness could be more achievable than prevention per se, although inevitably one would lead to the other. Wouldn’t it?

CALM is here and their helpline within London is 0808 802 5858. If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

Posted in , Tagged Leave a Comment

Vale Joe Bodolai

By admin on December 29, 2011

This is a link to Joe Bodolai, a comedy writer’s, last blog entry before he died by suicide. I hope the site is taken down in time and I guess he left it to be read…

Included in the posting is a list of things he regrets, including “That I am no longer able to withstand any more of life’s pain.”

On Dec. 23, he posted on Twitter: “If you for some reason care about me. Stop caring.”
And on Dec. 24: “Godbye” – unfortunately that last tweet has been mis-reported in various news sources as Goodbye and that’s not what he said.

If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

Posted in Tagged Leave a Comment

Simon says…

By admin on December 14, 2011

Simon Hogan, in his typically Australian laconic style, describes himself as a 23 year old footy player. Footy is Australian Rules football, a game with an estimated 9 million followers. Simon plays for the Geelong Football club, the team Mottsu followed and the current competition premiers.

Simon Hogan is an elite athlete and professional sportsman, and he has had major depression over the past three years. His depression led to considering suicide, and to seeking support. Listening to him, I am considering taking more of an interest in footy.

He speaks frankly about his experience, here’s his story in print and below on video.

Fittingly he is now an ambassador for headspace, Australia’s National Youth Mental Health Foundation. Impressive.

If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

Posted in , Tagged , Leave a Comment