The coroner could not say if his death was intentional or accidental. While intent was discussed it was not possible to determine from the circumstances. The conclusion of one journalist is that this is “…utterly baffling”.

Suicide, for the most part, is utterly baffling, that’s a conclusion readily reached by grieving family, friends, and colleagues. Those left behind will remember a person with much to live for. The loss is very painful and near impossible to reconcile with without empathy for a suicidal mind. It also known that an individual’s suicidal intent can dissipate, the act may be contemplated but not completed. That after all is the premise underscoring suicide prevention efforts, even in the last minutes an intervention is possible, or a change of heart. So what happened here?

Gary Speed sat on the steps of his garage with a ligature of cable around his neck,and tied to the banister perhaps contemplating or threatening suicide. I know less than the coroner but can guess and trying to say if this were an act of intentional self-determination or an accident is not possible.

The coroner stated that it was possible that Gary Speed nodded off and slipped causing his death. To say in retrospect, if his actions were those of contemplation or an ultimatum is not possible. Troubling and utterly baffling…

Suicide is defies an simple explanation and is typically regarded as without moral justification. It is surrounded by questions without definitive answers, religious, philosophical and psychological questions and it remains confronting and utterly baffling…

If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

Ms Bliss, despite her own many accomplishments, was best known as the wife of Alan Bond, the man who backed the America’s Cup challenge in 1983 that saw the trophy in the hands of someone other than the New York Club for the first time.

Unsurprisingly her family and friends are reported as distressed and devastated. They knew she was deeply troubled and that she was seeking support and care for her depression.

Reports didn’t mention suicide but they alluded to it with the standard statement: “Police said there were no suspicious circumstances.” A euphemism which does not protect anybody’s sensibilities. What is being reported is widely understood for what it is.

Suicide should be reported with simplicity, sensitivity, and clarity. Doing otherwise does not diminish the stigma surrounding deep depression and its possible consequences but rather, reinforces the opinion that this is a, perhaps, offensive and taboo topic. Shhh…

Recent Press Council recommendations reinforced that responsibility and balance are appropriate. Tragic circumstances should not inhibit straightforward reporting.

If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

“A loss of oxygen at altitude may lead to a loss on consciousness. If emergency oxygen is required your mask will appear from above you pull down on it firmly to activate the flow of oxygen put it on quickly and tighten the strap. Once you are breathing normally you can help others including children.”

On a plane I rarely lift my eyes from my book for the safety instructions but tonight I am thinking of the role of a carer. I am thinking of how much love and selfless effort can be invested in supporting someone you love while I am also wondering about caring for the carers.

We care as best we can. In my own case, I could not have cared any more. Nor could I have cared any less. Despair brought my partner to a crisis, hopeless and isolated. I was right there amid the grey and the drizzle, trying to warm him and keep myself dry.

As I listen to the experiences of others, and the concerns, the hopes, the dreams of a carer, I can’t help thinking that the cabin crew are right, fit your own mask first.

There is something about a soldiers experience that diminishes the will to live, something that’s unlikely to be physiological, something that’s taking a toll. Then there’s something fabulous about John Birmingham’s response to learning about extraordinary suicide rate among veterans, and the considered (thinky) sharing of his thoughts…

I don’t know which stats he read but I wrote about some figures a year ago, the suicide rate of veterans was estimated as between two and four times higher than the same population of civilians. I saw John Birmingham’s tweet and read his blog and reweeted his original statement, glad that the issue was receiving some mainstream attention.

Now I am writing a blog entry about his blog entry, I don’t know another way, maybe my blog should share a coffee with his blog… I do think a lot about how to lift the darkness around suicide and make the risks more visible. Silence keeps things invisible.

I wonder if the story of this american soldier, originally cited in John Birmingham’s blog might have played out differently if the silence were broken. I can only hope so…

In the newspaper article he says “People have this image of me as this big strong man who can take anything life throws at him. But I’m not ashamed to say I wanted to end it after a string of setbacks. I knew I’d been a fool but I couldn’t shake off the depression at feeling what a failure I’d become.”

He said “I have hurt the people closest to me, so I’ve come out today and admitted I need help.” The honesty of a man with what was regarded as a tough as nails demeanor is emotionally affecting. I know how difficult it can be to reach out for help and I’m filled with admiration for what Dean Windass describes as his coming out. I can see why he has been described as a sturdy leader.

We often regard sports stars as role models, in this case that’s undoubtedly true. Dean Windass is a stigma-busting role model. It is so fabulous to witness the strength of a footballer admitting to a simple human frailty, a debilitating condition, and asking for help.

Dean Windass, my hero.

If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

The death by suicide of a 14 year old Melbourne schoolgirl Sheniz Erkan is a morbid reminder of the fatal power of bullies and their words. It was reported that ruthless and relentless on-line harassment had become too much for her to bear.

The words of a bully almost inevitably give rise to thoughts and feelings that create an inner turmoil in the bullied. It’s not always possible to maintain sufficient self esteem to ward off hurt. Sadly, we are often more open to hearing what is wrong us rather than what is right.

We can be our harshest judges with our insecurities fed by external evaluation. It is often easier to identify with faults rather than ones strengths, and that gives rise to an identity which does not reflect the whole person. A person can slip into the role of victim, defenses compromised and diminished, hearts vulnerable.

Research is finding support for the premise that the more frequent the bullying behavior,either as a perpetrator or the subject of bullying efforts, the greater the risk of depression, suicidal ideation, or suicide attempt. Those who are bullied consistently experience more depressive symptoms than those who are not bullied; they have high levels of suicidal ideation and are more likely to attempt suicide than adolescents who are not bullied.

The relationship between motives and wounds of the perpetrator and the subject of bullying is complex. There is another role, that is largely unexplored in the media, that of the bystander those who observe, read, witness or are aware of the bullying. Bystanders condone, if not explicitly encourage the transgressions of a bully. I don’t know why but too many of us are bystanders in schools and organisations, places where bullying can be endemic but unchallenged. We need to do better…

If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

Campaign Against Living Miserably infers that someone living with depression is living miserably, and that may sometimes be true, however miserable is not a word often used to describe the experience of living with depression. Depression is depicted as something darker and more bleak than misery. I don’t know maybe ‘living miserably’ actually understates the unfeeling numbness that often accompanies depression. I don’t like the term or the images it conjures.

Miserable makes me think of a wretched pitiable condition, the word seems heavy with negative judgement. I don’t mean to say that depression is enviable or not in some ways a miserable state, it is just not helpful for someone to be labelled as miserable. It is dis-empowering to be pitied, I much prefer some kind of strength based perspective. I get caught up in the semantics of depression and suicide, and I do because ill thought-out language comes loaded with meaning and connotations that serve to reinforce rather than dispel stigmas.

Michael Leuning calendar April 2012

A foundation’s name has a lot of influence on community attitudes, and it’s not possible to convey the nuance of Michael Leunig’s work in a few words. Organisation names that are less judgmental and less negative than Campaign Against Living Miserably are possible:

- beyondblue
- headspace
- sane Australia

Woody Guthrie was “…out to sing the songs that make you take pride in yourself and in your work.” Support efforts need to do something similar and not only be against living in a certain way but also be for something – for support, for growth, for living a different way. Rather than struggling against a darkness imagine gently amplifying and nurturing the tiniest, tenderest essential parts that lie quietly at the heart of even our deepest darkest being.

The organisation described in the story is Campaign Against Living Miserably – CALM – a suicide prevention charity. They ran a “poll [in November 2010] and it showed that nine out of 10 people haven’t a clue that suicide is the biggest killer of young men. [The unawareness is] deeply shocking. Awareness is even worse among young men themselves…”

I struggle with suicide prevention efforts in general, but my thoughts are jumbled and I can’t exactly explain what irritates me about suicide preventionists, but something troubles me about prevention being a focus for intervention. I am not sure someone can be saved by someone other than themselves. I am not convinced that we be saved from ourselves?

Awareness – yes – of course greater awareness around depression and suicide is needed, I didn’t know the condition and I underestimated the risks…

My own knowledge may or might not have made a difference but awareness by me, people I know and everyone generally would have helped. Specifically I think that would mean having less stigma associated with depression and emotional well being, and being able to confide or even broadcast how you are feeling with impunity, without risk or favour. It is hard to imagine a work environment where Mottsu may have been able to admit to his deep depression, find acceptance, and not have suffered from some form of ongoing stigma. He didn’t even feel able to take time off work, he didn’t perceive sufficient tolerance to allow him to be open about his well-being back when he could have used understanding, and maybe not today but I hope the future will be different.

Awareness and prevention sound like very different efforts to me, the intent behind each seems quite different. To me awareness could be more achievable than prevention per se, although inevitably one would lead to the other. Wouldn’t it?

CALM is here and their helpline within London is 0808 802 5858. If you, or someone you know, needs emotional support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. Crisis counselling is available around the world.

I find it increasingly uncomfortable to be asked what I do, it always a polite inquiry but the question confounds me. I respond by talking about what I have done in the past, I don’t know what will come next, I expect to work it out.

I have a compass, in that directionally I am pulled in certain ways. I have no path, the beginning of January is a starting point but I don’t have a fixed destination. I’m looking to myself for something more or different this year, more than before, and it hard to know what I moving towards.

“Are we there yet? Are we there?” I would ask my Dad from the back-seat of the car, when I got impatient with the trip. This journeyman has spent a long time travelling, and I am still trying to determine who I am and how my life will be made most meaningful- in an ongoing curious sort of way.

The things that excite me are are also the most scary, the unknown and the unexplored and so it’s easy to feel daunted before even trying anything.

I keep thinking back to a favourite quote “Our woal life is a idear we dint think of nor we don’t know what it is….” from Russell Hoban’s book, Riddley Walker. It reminds me of how little of my life to now has been planned or, if I did sketch out a plan at any stage, how little I have kept to plan.

I’m heartened by Julie Diamond’s New Year reflection, she is looking forward to a year living selectively: “Choosing what’s meaningful and letting go of what’s not central…”

A friend also wrote about how much courage it takes to step in the direction life pulls us in, how much awareness it takes to understand if it is or isn’t your path, and how much courage it takes to walk your own uncharted path. I hope I am brave.

I expect to find my way in 2012 one tentative step at a time…

I’m adopting many of Woody’s resolutions as my own, so many things I would wish to anyway do in 2012.

http://www.woodyguthrie.org/newyearsrulins.htm

“I hate a song that makes you think that you are not any good. I hate a song that makes you think that you are just born to lose. Bound to lose. No good to nobody. No good for nothing. Because you are too old or too young or too fat or too slim too ugly or too this or too that. Songs that run you down or poke fun at you on account of your bad luck or hard traveling.

I am out to sing the songs that make you take pride in yourself and in your work.”
Cray, Ed (2004). Ramblin Man: The Life and Times of Woody Guthrie. New York: W. W. Norton & Company

..and I am out to dream good. Thanks Woody Guthrie.