I as write about my past and present, you can see that I am not over it. That’s to say I am not over the loss of Mottsu.

There is so much sadness in the world, too much sadness. I think that’s why I write about my sadness. I love to wear tears and carry love for the possibility of a different world.

There is a Woody Allen film, Melinda and Melinda. The movie explores the dichotomy between comedy and tragedy, two sides to every story. Tragedy confronts and comedy is our escape. I watched Melinda and Melinda on a plane, a flight between somewhere and somewhere. The detail of the flight is gone, but there are a couple of lines I remember.

A man speaking to Melinda says, “What do you want?”
Melinda thinks for a moment before replying “l want to want to live.”
He brushes off her words saying, “Everybody wants to live.”

I want to want to live, the sentiment touches my heart. Many would agree, that everyone wants to live (per se) and I know living is not so simple. Most of the time I live without making a conscious decision to do so. Days dawn, I wake and rise, I live. Wanting to want to live is more than the day-to-day, it’s what I’ve sought. I can now say hand on heart, I do want to live.

Life is beautiful. Behind the sadness, or not withstanding the sadness, I want to live.