Stage 3 – the widely accepted version – Bargaining: “Yes me, but. . .”
This is often a period of temporary truce after experiencing resentment. People attempt to bargain with their higher power by asking, “If I do this, will you erase the loss?”

Stage 3 – my version - Running away “Get me out of here”
I returned to work and found that it was hard to reintegrate with a world that kept moving while I sat at home weeping and listening to the fridge. During this stage I was unable to visit the supermarket without being taunted by songs of everlasting love playing through the aisles and having to flee.

I took up every offer to work away from home travelling to China, Hobart, Japan, Korea, Singapore, Sydney and the US on business establishing a relentless pace and somehow managing to cope with that. My tax records show 27 trips in the first year. The number surprises me now, it’s a bit of a blur.

Hotels were fabulous places to retreat to, everything provided and everything done. The bed made, the room tidied, no shopping, no cooking, no bins to put out and work to consume all the hours of the day. Work distracted me, more than that, it engulfed me. My life was girt by airports.

I also start to run, I don’t quite know how running emerged, I had never been a jogger. There was effort and sweat, gradual achievements and daily exhilaration. It wasn’t a conscious thought but maybe if a plane couldn’t take me far enough from the memories then my feet could. More about the challenge and pleasure of running soon, today is bargaining…

Bargaining? Maybe I did bargain somewhere in the blur of running away, maybe I was too realistic to beg, pray, or wish for a different deal. While I think bargaining is strange grief behaviour, maybe it is no stranger than running away.

My advice is to follow yourself where ever that leads.