I am still pondering on Stage 2 of Grieving. The stage about Anger and Resentment, how I did and didn’t experience anger.
Dr Kubler Ross suggested that Stage 2 is characterized by fury at whatever caused the loss and that I might find myself enraged at the world. I don’t know about enraged with the world but there was a moment one evening when I was outraged/enraged by a friend of a friend. I think it was displaced anger, something undoubtedly well intended that the antagonist, Mikey, said ignited instant sparks of temper.
Mikey was someone I didn’t know very well, but had known over a long period. A friend of a couple of friends. In the early days of my aloneness he had suggested that it might be nice to catch up occasionally to go to the movies, an outing usually enjoyed more with a friend than on ones own. I was enthusiastic about the idea, I was keen for company, and Mikey would have been company. Time ticked by and we didn’t made it to the movies, one never made a call to the other.
The mutual friends, Mikey and I went to dinner one night. We dined well, we shared banter. I was a little tetchy and sensitive, it was becoming my modus operandi, wounded, prickly and defensive. 
Nonetheless we enjoyed the evening, but we didn’t linger. It was a work night, each had to get home.
We stood in the street to say our farewells. That’s when Mikey made his offer, in a moment of unprecedented and unparalleled chivalry Mikey asked if he could walk me to my car. Anger ignited and I held it in, smiled, shook my head, and walked away fuming. Furious with (possibly) displaced anger.
Here I was coping, grieving, taking my bins out on the right night of the week, alone, bereft, abandoned and often longing for company. Of all of the things Mikey could have offered to do, walking to my car was the least of them. I did it all the time, walked myself to my car, I mean, – a necessity.
He could have offered to change a light globe, clear the gutter of leaves, mow the grass, chat over lunch or go to the movies with me. Walk me my car? I was angry hurt and scornful, I haven’t seen those friends again. Long story, the loss of a player in our relationship(s) was too much, we didn’t ever recover (maybe it was me and my scatter gun approach to expressing anger).
I walk to my own car. I always did. I felt anger too, from time to time…