There are lots of obvious reasons for not mailing people who aren’t alive. Mottsu still gets regular mail from his Credit Union, his bookie, and a couple of vineyards whose mail lists he signed up for. He doesn’t respond, hasn’t for years, neither do I, and the letters keep coming… Apparently mail lists can take a while to catch up with departures.
He also gets gas bills, I don’t mind paying those after all there is no denying it’s me who uses the gas. I do mind that I can’t easily get the account transferred into my name. Some organisations make it difficult, wanting documentary evidence of a person’s passing. Do they even think about what it might be they’re asking for?
A death certificate can be a messy document. A death certificate lists the cause of death, as determined by the coroner. In this instance, at least, it’s truly more than the gas company needs to know. I don’t necessarily want the grim details of Mottsu’s demise on file at the gas company. Instead of me proving their customer is dead maybe they should prove he is alive – or do they take payment of his bills as proof? Perplexing.
I opt for the path of least resistance and leave the account in his name.
Recently an offer from a bank and an airline arrived. I think it was offering my dearly departed a credit card. The bank was one he didn’t bank with, so maybe the contact details were generated via the airline’s customer database. The envelope annoyed me so much that I didn’t open the letter, it still annoys me. The front of the envelope boldly asked “Where could 10,00 Frequent Flyer points take you?”
I don’t know what perturbed me most about the question posed on an envelope addressed to a man who has been dead for over 5 years. I think it was the ridiculousness of the question; phrased to evoke a dream of flight, that angered me. I was exasperated, and wounded too, the junk mail came through the slot in the letter box and slipped right through my protective armour. Stupid unanswerable question…
I can’t reach him with a million Frequent Flyer points and I can not imagine where 10,000 points could take him. Honestly, I can’t imagine where he’d want to go if an airport were handy. Maybe the answer was inside the envelope, I didn’t look.
Anger, it seems I do have some tucked away.
I have been reading your blog – and you speculate ‘is anybody out there?’
There is, they read – and if they are a ‘remnant’ of suicide, they recognise the experiences, feelings and thoughts; they cry;
For me it has been 5 months, and it worries me that you still feel the pain, so acutely, after 5 years.
You are being read
rod
Rod,
I’m delighted to receive your comment it is a wonderful validation of what sometimes feels like a conversation with myself (and I do enjoy talking to myself at times too). Writing about things we don’t talk about much is something I am serious about
Your words are quite moving – thank you for sharing
I do feel deeply still, I also laugh a lot I hope you do too – soon if not yet. It’s hard to measure time in terms of feelings or healing – it sort of defies calibration
Thank you again – Anne