“Biography is not destiny” says Tony Robbins, “…the past is not the future.”

Thanks Tony, only it seems that way sometimes. Makes me think how easy it is to be defined by the past, particularly by traumatic events which shatter our beliefs about our worlds. Regaining a foothold after a trauma takes time, for a while there is only the past, a future is barely apparent as you work to integrate what happened into your biography. That’s how it was for me.

A lecture on working with trauma given by Dr. Shar Edmunds and Alan Richardson in 2008, illuminated my experience. They said:

Trauma begins with an event or series of events that is too much to bear. The experience is beyond the “edge” of what is possible to perceive and respond to. It shatters our most fundamental beliefs about the world. It’s beyond what we can include in our identity – as an individual or as a community.

The presenters explained the biology and the psychology of reactions to trauma, and the scar tissue created. They talked about the trauma ‘receiver’, how and why that person has a monopoly on feelings and sensitivity.

Listening, I glimpsed something of poor misunderstood, woebegone, powerless, me. Poor me, who wants to thank her dear forbearing friends, the ones who stayed around while I was so bruised and wounded. The ones that allowed me to grasp onto all of the feelings and hurt as if no-one else had ever suffered a loss like mine.

Gratitude.